to be human

I was going through my computer bag today and found a crumpled up sheet of paper. It had a column called "evocative words" of some of my favorite words- zig zag, mosaic, teaspoon, barb wire. There are like twenty of them altogether. It's not their meaning, it's really just that I like how the words sound coming off the tongue. I must like the S sounds because a lot of them are S words. Not sure where I was or when I wrote it. Sometime in the last three years, I suppose. 

On the other half of the paper was a quote, "learning how to do human" it said.
I'm sure who said it or why, but it struck me so I wrote it down along with notes about the Odyssey's Lotus Eaters. It still strikes me. I think because I don't think I am very good at it. Most days recently I'm not sure if I'm cut out for it at all. I can fake it, but others seem to be so much better really dancing the dance. It comes so easily. That is what I love about interviews with David Foster Wallace. He articulates this dilemma so beautifully. Like him, I am a sensitive observer and this is also my curse. "Learning how to do human" is exhausting. In a radio interview I listened to recently, I was like, 'yes, yes" when I heard his words. Your gift is your curse, and day to day, it is exhausting.